At one point the perfect 'mate' is someone who you think is gorgeous and funny. And suddenly, you want serious attributes? Someone who is ambitious and level-headed, who can ground you and look after you? Whilst still understanding where you are coming from. Is this just survival instincts kicking in? Is this me feeling maternal? Good heavens I hope it's not. I'm quite content being the baby-hating woman I am for some time yet.
It's odd how everything about you seems to change. Maybe your basic principles, what you think is right and wrong and what you really love, stay the same. I don't know. When do we stop changing? When will I feel secure in myself and who I am? Do we ever?
It's so hard to choose now how you want your life to plan out. Why should a seventeen year old girl be building the foundation of a metaphorical house - that is the rest of her life. I should not be mixing no cement. I should be tending the garden or something.
What I'm trying to say is; tomorrow I have the opportunity to hand in a UCAS application that - if I go through with it in the end - will shape the next (at least) 3 years of my life. I really hope I'm making the right decision and won't regret what I choose.
Saying this, I feel pretty confident about the whole thing. I have never felt more strongly that I am making the right decision and I am doing something that is going to be awesome for me. As sad as it seems, I feel that I will hit a dead end soon, I feel like I've exhausted the possibilities for myself here, and I need to throw myself in the deep end and try and keep afloat, instead of holding onto the edges of the pool.
I am excited to live in a whole different world. I am going to promise myself right now that I will make something of myself and do things that I will look back at and be proud of. Cheesy BUT it's about time I started thinking on a bigger level. It's a big world out there, I wanna try as much of it as I can.
I want to surprise myself a bit more.
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