Wednesday, 2 October 2013


For the first time ever, I find myself completed overdone and frustrated by school. I have a dulling tension headache for three quarters of my waking life due to the constant pressures from the subjects I've taken (some more than others, as I will later explain). The fact that the assigned work is never the limit of how much I am supposed to do is very stressful, I constantly feel like I should be doing more, and can never fully relax because of it. I am either a raging stress-mess or a can't-be-arsed sofa-dweller, there is no middle ground, and it's making me feel unhealthy.

This time last year I was the 'chillest' person. I would do the work the morning it was due, and I would never worry about how well I had done on anything that didn't count towards a final grade. Now, I am so agitated with school, all the time!!! ALL THE TIME.

And I know why.


This Art A level is making me ill. I mean, I'm no Picasso but I can bang out an alright drawing if I'm given enough time. A lot of people encouraged me to take the A level, as they said they loved my style and would buy my work if I sold it. Sorted. You'd think.

It is a tedious and horrifying course. I hate it. It makes me sad. It makes me want to rip my work up and eat it and then throw it back up because I hate it so much.

I don't even enjoy Art anymore, I dread having to put paintbrush to paper.
I hate that I have to justify everything I do. Why is it such a crime to have an original idea?
I hate that I am expected to put in three times as much work as my other subjects for a worse grade.
I hate that even if I do a good picture. It is worth nothing on it's own.
I hate that it is a constant pressure and that I feel guilty when I am not doing it.

I want to quit. I want to.

I'm really not a quitter. I promise. If I don't think I can see something through I'll never sign up in the first place. This is a principle that applies to nearly every area of my life. It's just who I am.

But I cannot take another week of this. I really can't, I am on the edge of just giving up.
I can't do a practical A level. I need something I can procrastinate on and whack out something awesome at the last minute and still be OK. Art is not that subject (although it was at GCSE). I do not feel constantly inspired to draw something. I draw when I want to. I draw when I want to draw.

I don't want to discourage anyone from taking this, but I would say, if you want to do Art, do the BTEC, or do the A Level on it's own. It is not compatible with other subjects, and the A level course is so dire and discouraging that it will probably make you change your mind anyway.

When I first started the A level. I was excited. I was going to learn how to draw properly, and how to make my personal style more focused. Because I had one back then. Now, I don't. Sometimes what people do will not fit the criteria, and it's hardly even plausible that it has a criteria when people can just do anything and someone will like it.

I think I'm going to go to school tomorrow and swap to Applied Business. I know I used to say I hated the subject but compared to Art it is like a sweet oasis of relief. Am I making the right decision? Will someone help?


  1. Change it- you sound so unhappy and if you don't then ill find where you live and make you!! (okay i won't thats a lil creepy but you get the idea.) you can draw and do art related stuff in your spare time, and then if you really wanna do something arty at uni, just do the art foundation! even if you don't, you can still sell your work at craft fairs and on the internet on your own.

    1. Hahaha i've done it! it was hard but all the teachers i spoke to seemed to think it was the right thing to do. I already wanna draw again! Ahhhh I feel so much better! Yeah! i love that idea! i think i'm more of a casual art person, as much as i really did want to do it, i just couldn't work that way for some reason! Thanks Amy :) xxx


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