Sunday, 25 August 2013

True name

I think to find out what is most important to you and your purpose, you have to ask yourself; what would I be most offended by in the gap of this sentence?

He/she is ______________ than you.

What would probably immediately spring to mind is either the word 'better' or 'prettier', as those are the most common uses. But what would leave you feeling affronted and annoyed? What do you pride yourself upon?

This thinking was brought about by me finishing the last book in the 'Inheritance Cycle', or 'Eragon series'. I have absolutely loved these books and will surely go into more detail about them at a later date. But in these stories, there is the idea of a 'true name', that is also found in Egyptian mythology, that each of us and everything has. It is a word, phrase or passage (depending on your complexity) in the ancient language which represents your wants, loves, hates, mistakes, attributes and weaknesses. And anyone who has read these books will know that you cannot tell but the truth in the ancient language, so these names are the bare and honest truth of yourself. When spoken, your body would tremour with this deeper truth, and anyone who knows your true name can manipulate and control you, so you would only tell it to those who you trust most, if anyone at all.

It has complete control of you when spoken, because it is you.

Would you want to know your true name? All of your pitfalls and failures made clear, all of the darkest and worst parts of yourself aired, as well as the good. What would you want to change about yourself before you heard your true name? As, just as we can, true names can alter if the alteration is significant, honest and true.

I don't think I would like to hear mine yet. I am selfish and still hold some of the material obsessions that I have let creep onto me in the past few months. I am not brave and I am not entirely honest, I am self-conscious and shy yet over-confident and arrogant at the same time. I'm not proud of it but it's true. I'm not the person I want to be yet. I am working to improve myself, as well as redeem the parts of me that I have lost. I am not who I am yet, and I would not like to hear everything about myself until I am sure I am myself.

Honestly, I don't really know who I am at all, but few know themselves. Is it our right that we should know who we are or are we meant to not understand?

Maybe I will come back and edit this post and add what would be in the space of that sentence for me. Because I do know what it is. But I don't know if I want to share it. I'll tell you this though, it's not 'prettier', because my priorities are a little better than that. Finally.

Monday, 19 August 2013

The Fault In Our Stars - written by John Green

A story about two teenage Cancer patients who fall in love sounds stereo-typically like a story for pubescent girls, which may discourage many males and females alike from reading this book. But, I can assure you, whilst this story is from the point of view of a 16 year old girl, this is not a story about a 16 year old girl. This is a story about life and death, and being stuck in between. What it means to be alive, what it means to live, what is means to be living, what is means to be dead, what it means to die, what it means to be dying.

The story discusses the human obsession with leaving a mark on the universe and a legacy, one that I myself have often got tangled in, spending late, teary nights wondering if anyone would remember me if I were gone, and if I was even here at all. The idea of oblivion and the inevitability of the end of the Earth and the human race, everything we have discovered and built and done, that will eventually all be gone, and be, for what?

It begs the question; if these are facts that are universally known and, in more lives than not, accepted, why do we go on building and creating for no one to notice? Especially not permanence.

Hazel is a Cancer patient who's disease is terminal. The drug Phalanxifor has bought her a few extra years of life by slowing or stopping the rate of growth in her tumours. One night at a Cancer support group, held in a church basement (or the Literal Heart of Jesus), a new supportee, there by his soon-to-be-blind friend's request, changes the case of her indefinitely short life.

Augustus Waters is an Osteosarcoma survivor, left with a prosthetic leg to prove it. He is tall and athletic with piercing blue eyes and a charismatic personality to match. The two immediately see each others' opinionated and thoughtful nature will start a deep and understanding friendship.

Watching Natalie Portman movies together and searching for metaphorical symbols in the Indianapolis landscape, Hazel and Augustus find a bond like none they have experienced before, but Hazel does not want to be a 'grenade', who will finally explode and scar all of those around her.

She tells Augustus of her favourite book, An Imperial Affliction, who says that he wants to read it to discuss with her. He ends up loving the book as much as Hazel does, and with their shared desperation to know what is beyond the unwritten conclusion (the book ends mid-sentence), and the fate of the characters, Augustus uses his Wish to take himself, Hazel and her mother to Amsterdam to meet the author.

Okay, so, that's as far as I am taking the actual story. Those are the most basic details to the least upsetting half of the book. But, be warned, this book is absolutely heartbreaking. Completely. Utterly.

Sat in bed reading the last half, my iPod in my ears playing Angus and Julia Stone, I am in shuddering, shaking sobs. Tears streaming down my face, down my neck, down my chest. I mean, I have cried at other books, I have loved characters, but the honesty and realness of the characters and the story that John Green has created meant that this could be my story, it could be your story, this could be anyone's story. You don't have to be born into a scenario like this.

I started to think about who would be in the place of the characters if it were my story, which made me cry even more.

As I read the last words of the book. The last song of the album I had been listening to ended with the story.

The book may ruin your life, but I think it has changed mine. I realised it is okay to not leave this huge legacy, and that human oblivion will not and should not change how I live my life today. If I could die happily after a life of watching TV and eating all day, then that would be fine. If I could die happily after being President/a Rock-star/a Doctor, then that would be fine too.

I think that being loved by many is way behind being loved deeply by a few people that I really love too. A thousand people who like and 'love' you will not sacrifice anything for you when you need them, compared to those few that deeply love you, who will do anything for you and your life and your happiness. I never want to 'tally' how many people I have, and how many people are interested in me, because, it really is so irrelevant. You can feel enough love from only one person if they care about you enough. Would you rather have one bag of food that was big enough to last you a life time, or many smaller bags that have bite-marks and rot, and might be of no use to you at all?

I want captivation from love, not admiration. I want captivation from life, not admiration.

How to get that? Not a clue. I'm just doing what I'm doing and seeing where it gets me, because isn't that how every great person has become great, and how every forgotten person has become forgotten? Is it what you do? Or what you are?

Some infinities are bigger that other infinities, we all create our own in our life and from being on Earth, a person never stops, death is not the end of a person. The life of a celebrity and the life of a store assistant may be different, and one may be more remembered than the other, but they are both a person's infinity, they are both worth the same.

'When you do something beautiful and nobody notices, do not be sad, for the Sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps.'

I recommend you read this book.

Saturday, 10 August 2013

I found my old blog from Year 10

I think I enjoy my 14 year old self a lot more than I do my 17 year old self, I was so spirited and excited about everything!

Anyway, I found the infamous 'anti-whaling debate post'. And I now realise just how much I miss this time of my life when everything was really funny and I really felt like we had our own community in those Science lessons.

So don't laugh too much at me, but here it is (it doesn't start at right at the beginning, I couldn't quite bring myself to quote that introduction);


But today, today, in Science last period, there was a massive debate, 'Should whaling be allowed?'.
WELL, this turned out to be hugely sensitive subject with rude remarks being spewed everywhere and even arguments sprung within tables, within tables i tell you! (If you were our Science class you would know that conflict between residents at the same table is very rare and the tables are tightly - packed and well - bonded, it's like going against your family!). The poor trainee teacher, who doesn't pronounce her h's, was a weak tickle of wind against the mighty tree trunk of terrorising students, screaming death threats and whale defences across the classroom. Our table had been assigned 'For Whaling' which i was deeply set against and quickly betrayed my group and quarrelled with the opposing minded Warthog, who was comparing convincingly, Britons and Cows with Articans and Whales, 'it's just the same as cowing, pigging and chickening!' to which Matt replied, 'you don't harpoon a cow in the head!'. So, as you can see, the battle which started evenly matched was edging towards 'Anti - Whaling' rapidly. The classroom was filled with hysteric laughter, at various in and over table battles, screaming students, our normal teacher and trainee one were positively amused but shocked at the sudden transformation of seemingly sane teenagers into vicious, opinionated animals.
Anti - Whaling won in the end, to the burning fury of Danielle (Warthog), and various other class members, including Daniel, belonging to our table, - who was furious at losing the Glue War and now the Whale war - sat scowling and throwing insults at other tables, (especially the Glue foes). Holly (Gorm), Hayley (Cactus) and Lauren (Queen) were all in hysterics, and i was quietly - but obviously - celebrating victory, as much as i hated to admit it, the Glue foes had won again, but i feel i did help as i still fighted against them, even if we were of the same opinion, we just don't really like each other, but outside Science, we're perfectly okay.

I do kind of wish I was still that over-enthusiastic person. I really am gonna try my very hardest to become her again.

Friday, 9 August 2013

Own writing ponderments #1

A grey and suffocating dust was gathering upon the books, the table and the windowsill. And upon the mirror and the desk and the photo frames.

A dustless path was clear, marking a popular route from the bed to the door.

This woman had built up a world of memories and opportunities, shown in the novels on her bookshelf, now with cobwebs draping over the pages that only fingers and tears should touch. Shown in the photo frames, a dirty haze blocking the moment that once made the corners of eyes crinkle. Shown in the pens littering the desk, now too stiff to de-lid.

And I thought, was this how we all lived? But on a greater scale. Using only a fraction of our possibilities. Breathing in but not filling our lungs. Looking but not seeing what is around us. Only in front of us. Having what we need, but not what we want. And wanting but not aching. Touching but not feeling. Eating but not tasting. Talking but not saying. Thinking but not wondering.

And it scared me so that I blew and blew.

I blew the dust off of my eyes, I blew the dust off of my hands, I blew the dust off of my feet, I blew the dust off of my mouth.

And I went outside and I breathed. I breathed in for so long my eyes widened and my fingers stretched and my toes stretched.

And I laughed because I couldn't believe I had been so numb.

Fishing Quotes, wait, that's fishing quota

This is a list of a mixture of my favourite quotes and quotes from a list that I found on StumbleUpon. I think they're really cool and well thought out (not cheesy), but at the same time, I think most people can identify the message, moral or moment they represent, and identify with it. There is little more to say, so, enjoy, I guess!

  • Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75. —Benjamin Franklin
  • Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions. Their lives a mimicry. Their passions a quotation. — Oscar Wilde
  • Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying. —Arthur C. Clark
  •  Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. — Albert Einstein
  • Of all sad words of mouth or pen, the saddest are these: it might have been. — John Greenleaf Whittier
  • I fear not the man who has practised 10,000 kicks, but I do fear the man who has practised one kick 10,000 times. Bruce Lee
  • And when you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. — Friedrich Nietzsche
  • Don’t let schooling interfere with your education-Mark Twain
  • A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on. — John F. Kennedy
  • It is no measure of health to be well—adjusted to a profoundly sick society. — Jiddu Krisnamurti
  • Every man dies, but not every man truly lives. — William Wallace
  • Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. — Plato
  • Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go. ― Oscar Wilde
  • Have I not destroyed my enemy when I have made him into my friend? — Abraham Lincoln
  • To love is to recognize yourself in another. – Eckhart Tolle
  • Prejudices are rarely overcome by argument; not being founded in reason they cannot be destroyed by logic. — Tryon Edwards
  •  If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea. —Antoine de Saint—Exupery
  • They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. — Benjamin Franklin
  • Only when the last tree has died and the last river has been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realize we cannot eat money. — Indian Proverb
  • And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. –Kahlil Gibran
  • Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough. – William Saroyan
  • When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. ― John Lennon
  • Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.
    —  Emily Bronte
  • As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves. ― Mahatma Gandhi
  • The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed. — Ernest Hemingway
  • In a closed society where everybody’s guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity. ― Hunter S. Thompson
  • Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. ― Dwight D. Eisenhower
  • Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. – Lao Tzu
  • Dalai Llama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, said: “ Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
  • I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. - Lemony Snicket
  • People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou.
  • Tuesday, 6 August 2013

    I rate like Taking Back Sunday

    This band is almost constantly changing it's members, and it shows, but in the best way.

    Starting off in 1999 with a rebellious and rough sound, their most recent album, the self-titled 'Taking Back Sunday' (2012) is incredibly polished in comparison.

    Okay, okay, so I'm no music-analysis-critique expert and I'm not going to pretend to be, but I think they're great. And I'm gonna link my three favourite songs (from what I have listened to so far) for anyone who is thinking they might want a listen.

     Timberwolves at New Jersey

    Make Damn Sure

    This Is All Now

    Monday, 5 August 2013

    Minimalist Tattoos are kuhl

    Now I like LA Ink, and I like Art in general, but I have never really wanted any tattoos of my own. Maybe that is because no one in my family has ever liked them, never mind had one themselves, and I've grown up thinking that it was an off limits kind of thing, as terribly restricted as that sounds.

    Over the past few years I have really started to appreciate tattoos, and how, designed, placed and done correctly, they can make your body space look awesome, and accentuate your body rather than cover it. A good tattooist is not only an incredible artist, but also knows a lot about the human body and has a real understanding for what will look great and what will look shit and will want to get laser-ed off.

    The thing that scares me the most is the permanence. I mean, I don't have commitment issues, it's just the fact that something I may want one day might not be something I want 10 years down the line. Or maybe I just haven't thought of the right tattoo yet. In any case, it is definitely not something I wouldn't take seriously. And that's coming from me.

    I love these minimalist tattoos as they are not too bold or structured, they are outlines on the skin, simply dot to dotting a shape on you that could already be there. Like when you look up to the sky at night and see a load of stars, there is no pattern or image. But once you start to look for shapes, you see that there were pictures there all along, and that is the idea I get from these tattoos, that they are just outlining and identifying a shape and picture that is already there. I love them, they're so cool.

    My thoughts on what tattoos I would get myself are shown in the images I have picked out for this post. I love nature tattoos, I love the idea of mountains and landscapes. I love the planet tattoos, especially on the woman's chest, so much I would get them myself, but more collected and on a different part of my body, maybe even my ass! I really like space and aliens and stuff, it's just so mind-blowing to imagine what is out there.I have been thinking for a long time about the idea of a simple, singular arrow, after reading a quote that said, 'an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward' or something similar, and it really stuck with me, and I'm not one for cheesy quotes either, I just thought it was clever. I also like the arrow idea because I live close to Sherwood Forest which is the home of Robin Hood, the Disney version of which also happens to be my favourite movie. So, if I was to decide I wanted to get tattooed, that would be my first one I am sure. (And don't tell anyone but that whole idea may secretly be the cause of the name of this blog.)

    There we have it, I like minimalist tattoos and maybe some day I will get tattoos myself.

    Friday, 2 August 2013

    Tom Delonge's pre-show preparation and vocal warm-up

    I made this video because I just think that anyone with an interest in music and singing will find this helpful.
    You don't need to thank me.

    The Elders Scroll Skyrim - Hand